Today

I don't have anything very inspirational to write today... Its been a very busy last month and a half. I am exhausted! Even if I get 4 good nights in a row, by evening, I'm ready to hit the hay! But with saying that, I am amazed at how Kalia is adjusting. She is one courageous little girl. We cannot imagine our lives without her.

We went to parent teacher interviews for Kobe today. His teacher is a blessing that I could not have hand picked better myself. She uplifts him daily and loves him, along with all her other students. She told us today how when she does her morning routine with the class, which is devotion and prayer time, she always emphasizes to them how this is important. Everything else in school and play is great, but God is on top of everything. Thank you. You are such an example and hero to my son. He will look up to you and remember what you taught him.. always.

Also this week we registered our little girl for kindergarten. This gives me a lot of mixed emotions. She will love it, and we will enjoy seeing her delight in what she learns. But she was just a baby with attitude and now shes a little girl, beautiful little girl might I add, who has been Mommy's sidekick for quite some time. I'm going to miss her like crazy.

And this is the life of us.

So I've had a few people on my case to blog again. Here it goes!

A lot has changed and a lot has not. I am still the mother of my children, I still am not the most patient person, although I would like to think its getting better. The reason for my new leaf is our newest addition, Kalia. And I cannot thank God enough for giving Jake and myself the wonderful gift of being her mommy and daddy!! We were to the point where our family felt... well... complete. A boy and girl that make my everyday. What more could I ask for. If you know me, I ask for a lot more, because I'm humanly selfish, but I was for the most part content and our children were to the point of much Independence. And then the phone rang.
"Hello"
"You have been matched... Merry Christmas!!!"
OH MY WORD!!! REALLY? US? I could go on and on and on...

To make a very long, in depth story short, we met her on Jan 13/12. We were smitten! Meant to be? I would like to think so. After meeting her only a short time, we couldn't imagine our lives without her. My only regret is not being there for her since birth, although there is not anything we could or can do about it, I wish we could have. She is learning to trust us. Almost daily we can see small things that are changing in her little but very smart mind. It will probably be some time before she is sure that we are not going to leave, but I like to think that it won't take long, and we assure her of this every chance we get. Kobe has done amazing with the transition, she adores him and follows him around. He is so good with her and it blesses Mommy's heart! Ellie has felt her place being taken away, and it pains me to see her hurt, but daily the two of them are becoming closer and sibling rivalry is normal so... haha. Ellie is my helper, and she would love to do everything for Kalia also. Kalia is an independent 2 year old with a mind of her own. Clash!! It'll come. There is so much more where this came from but I think my baby is gonna be awake any moment. I will share more in the future!

Having Faith

I haven't written for a while. Partly due to a busy summer, and in part due to a season of my life. My heart does this; sometimes open, sometimes shut. I've come to the conclusion that it is a coping mechanism. And its interesting, if you find ways of coping interesting, that I have no control over it. Who would have thunk it. Anyway, just thought I'd try to explain myself, and my "no new post".

So in other news, today I thought I'd share a little bit of that half open heart of mine:)
This may sound like a strange thought to share, but have you ever thought that you love your children so much, you almost wish you hadn't had them? Remember, I said almost. I've been watching the news with my husband a lot lately and see the shit that goes on in this world and I wonder if I have the tools, knowledge, ability and strength to get them ready to live their lives! It scares me to no end!!! And then, I remember that even in our little safe "hamlet", we will encounter many hurdles.... eg. racism, ignorance, and just normal growing up hurts (emotional & physical & spiritual) oh man, I could go on & on. But to clarify, I would give my life for my children, just like I'm sure you all would, but when I think about this, I wonder if I'm cut out for it. My biggest fear is that something may happen one day where they will hurt, and I will break, and as some of my besties know, that doesn't fit into my bubble! (my bubble; I'll tell you all about it some other time ;))

And then I remember..... He went through this all! He went through it worse than anyone. He is my tool. He gives the knowledge. He is my strength. Even when I have to convince my heart that He will see our family through. And as comforting as that thought is... its still there. I guess that's where my faith isn't where it should be, or what makes me human, although I realize that is not an excuse.

Philippians 4:4-7
Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again, rejoice. Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Growing up, my parents had a poster in our bathroom. There was a picture of a Rabbit with a carrot in front of it. Underneath it said "Be anxious for nothing". Easier said than done. But when I read the rest I remember that I don't give everything over to Him. In fact, I do quite the opposite sometimes, somehow convincing myself and its up to me. So may the peace that only He can offer guard my heart as a momma, and guard my precious children as we journey through life. Until we reach our final destination. And thankfully even this verse tells us that it will transcend our understanding, so I guess trying to make sense of it all is a waste of time :) Faith! Have Faith!!!!

Goodnight everyone :)

Everyday Life/Forever in Him

Priorities. Time. Words. Life.
What in the world am I doing?
Sometimes I seriously don't know!

Why can't I be the mother who loves to sit and play? Why don't I appreciate the little, dirty helping hands in my kitchen? Why does the question "Why?" annoy the crap outta me when I hear it 50 times a day?

My babies are sleeping right now. There truly is not a more perfect scene than a life that you would give your life for, sleeping so peacefully and purely. So often at the end of the day, after prayers, little chats, stories and rocking, I wonder what I have done for them that day that has prepared them for Him kingdom. And I know that "His Kingdom" is the point. So I wonder why its so hard to remember that during the day.

God, show me Your patience. Let me find Your hand during the moments where I need something to grab onto. Thank you that You are their Father, so that when I fail, You are standing. Tomorrow is a new day, and help me to see the same blessings in the "not so perfect mothering moments" that I see when I am loving on them. They are my children, and I love them more with each breath. Thank you for them Jesus!
Amen

Thank you Dad

Psalms 103:13
As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him;

My dad.... how can I put my love for him into words....

My dad has been an example to me my entire life. Although he isn't perfect, when I think of men of God, I think of dad.

Growing up I had a bit of a self esteem problem. Ya, bet you can hardly believe that! I was the biggest kid in the family, and always thought I was fat. My brother and sisters loved to read and write and did really good in school. I liked to play and talk and the first book I read was an Archie comic, which I was quite proud of! I still remember him taking me for a walk, and reinforcing how wonderful I was, just the way God made me. He told me that I should try in school, but it didn't matter if I didn't get the highest grades, he was proud of me and my attitude and heart were a lot more important to him than anything else. It hurt him that I didn't like the way I looked, and he always affirmed my beauty. In fact, I still feel beautiful in his eyes:) Thank you dad!

My dad is my safety net. I could always run to him and I knew he would hold me. Even if not literally, as I grew from a child into a crazy teenager, I so often needed him. I cannot count how many tears he wiped from my eyes. I remember coming home when I was about 16. I had an awful evening, and I was a wreck. He came into my room because he knew something was wrong and just sat beside me wiping my tears and it meant the world to me. I didn't need to explain anything, he didn't ask. I just needed affirmation that I was loved, that he cared, and that's exactly what he did. Thank you dad.

My dad was sooo strong. He never cried. There are a few times I remember him going through hard times and It hurt my heart so bad. I wished I could take it all away and I hated seeing him like that. At my dads mom funeral, I remember leaning on my dad, his arm was around me. I didn't really know what was going on. I watched a tear fall from his eye, hit his cheek and then land on his shirt. I will always remember that tear. From that young age I wanted to protect him too, and I couldn't.

Growing up I had a healthy fear of my dad. I didn't get away with everything I wanted to. But what I remember the most is how even if I thought he was out to lunch on why I was in trouble, in the back of my mind I knew he wanted the best for me and that he wasn't doing this to bring me down. And usually I knew he was right, although I didn't often let that on :) I knew the reason I couldn't do whatever I wanted was because he cared so deeply. Thank you dad.

My dad doesn't judge me. He loves me for me. He has sly smiles when I still sneak chocolate from their pantry. He lets me bang on their piano while he plays with my kids. He does just about anything I ask him to do for me, and I ALWAYS know I can count on him. He is my hero.

My dad has always been my strength. When I didn't know where to go, I went to him. I think that is why it has been so hard in the last year and a half to try to be there for him. Watching his pain has broken my heart over and over. Thinking back to the day God took Bobbi home, (which I cannot do very often), it was my dad that I ran to. He probably didn't need that, and yet he held me. Literally, he held me, at that moment I needed him more than ever before and he did not push me away when he so easily could have. I didn't want anyone else. It was my dad. And I've never thought of that until now, maybe that's why my tears are flowing as I write this. Thank you dad.

There is so much more I could write about him. The wonderful example he has given me is something hard to live up. The husband he has been to mom. The grandpa he is. His relationship with God and his ability to explain anything to me is amazing. The only thing that sometimes comes into the way is his big words, like I said, I didn't read much ;) His understanding of the bible, and his freedom in Christ. His love for me.

I will always cherish you dad. I love you more than you know. I thank God for picking me to be your daughter. I am blessed.

Happy Fathers Day Dad!!!

Mel

Life

So I'm having one of those days where things kinda feel like they're slowly falling into place. Not everything. But some things. Its a good feeling! It totally gives me a renewed attitude towards my children, which I'm thankful for. Sometimes it feels like everyday comes, just to get through and wait for night. I don't think that's what God intended life to be.
Somethings.
Got.
To.
Change!!!
I often wonder if I'm normal or completely off.

"So I commend the enjoyment of life, because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun."

Ecclesiastes 8:15 NIV

Isn't that the way it should be? I get that crap happens. Trust me, I do. I know that hardships, pain, frustration and many other issues will obviously get us down. I also know that sometimes it will be near impossible to get up from these situations for some time. I get that there are things some people endure that will forever change them, harden them, and quite possibly be the deciding factor on the direction their lives take. But I believe it is up to us to be the change. We don't have to stay there. And I'm convinced that half of the battle is our own attitudes and what we choose to do with our lives. So this got a little off topic... again! lol

The reason I started with this topic is because of my oh so wonderfully and fearfully made little girl. She has a heart of gold!!! She loves me with a passion! She would prefer to be cuddled and loved on for the majority of the day by mommy or daddy. She would protect her brother till the bitter end! She is AMAZING!!! Why then is there a side of insecurity that breaks my heart. Does it have to do with her time in her birth mothers womb? Us taking her away from her security at 5 seconds old? Something we have done? I struggle everyday with her attitude, her protection. It can drive me nutty :/ and bring out the fangs! And yet I'm the adult, shes the child. Seriously! And helpful advice would be appreciated:) I would love to have some attitude change for both me and her.

So ya. I don't know if this really made any sense, I write as I speak, and for those of you who know me, you know that I seldom make sense in person either! I guess my mind was just focusing today on making the most of the "good" times in life. Working on the times that make you want to crawl under a freight train. And living the life He intended for us to live. Which I could write an entire new post on.... hummm! Maybe next time :)

For all you mennos - Have a GREAT long weekend!

Ellie's Moment Today

We were at my parents and the kids saw a chipmunk outside. It was quite exciting so they ran in and were telling us about it. They said it was a squirrel but Grandpa was telling them that it was a chipmunk and explaining the color difference between them. Ellie, sitting on Grandpas lap and listening intently looks up and says "You look like a chipmunk!" Grandpa says "I do?" Ellie "Yes. Cause youa face is bwoun and yoa haiw is white! Oh and yoa teeth aw white too!" Well, that was exactly how he explained them :)
Oh we laughed, such a goof!

Simple Moments

I was about 8 years old when we were visiting at cousins of mine. We lived 14 hours away, and I always looked forward to coming here. Although it was so far north, it seemed it was always warmer here than where we lived, probably because we lived in the "windy city". It was a Sunday afternoon and there was still snow on the ground, but it was so bright and fun, playing for hours on their acreage. I clearly remember my cousin saying to me, "of course its warm, its always nice on Sundays!" From there I grew up with almost a certainty that God would warm the week on Sundays. Well, its been warm here all week, but again today on Sunday. It was a wonderful day. Today we spent the majority of the day at friends, sitting in the sunshine while the children played around us. God has given me so many close relationships and I am forever greatful for the wonderful people He has placed in my life. Not everyone can say this. I am truly blessed!

Anyway, after a fun filled, lazy day, we headed home with very tired children. Jake got Ellie to sleep right away while Kobe played in the tub. After I got him out he had to do a treatment for his asthma. He asked for his blanket and I snuggled him while the loud brumm of the nebulizer drowned out the busy activities of the day. I asked him if he wanted to sing with me. He asked if we could sing Blessed Be The Name of The Lord. For those of you who don't know, this song means the world to me. It was my one of my sisters favorite songs, and I song I have sometimes forced from my lips, either because my tears have taken over or I haven't felt like giving Him that praise at certain times. Pathetic, I know, after all He does for me.... He gives and takes away, and sometimes I need to choose to still say "blessed be the name of the Lord!" It was such a wonderful way to end our day and a reminder to take the time with each child and have these moments. We sang about 4 songs together and I watched him with such pride and joy. Sometimes my heart is overwhelmed. This was one of those times!

Simple moments that make my world.....