reality check

You know when you picture something amazing and in real its just not that way? Fantasy world! ha ha Like you picture this outing that was once had, and the kids were awesome and it was such a blast when in reality it had its perks but it was crazy chaotic and you couldn't wait for bedtime? Or every day of parenting for the first 5 sleepless months was such an amazing experience, and it was but put yourself back there and some parts were a lot harder then remembered? Or you picture yourself as an independent, calm, relaxed and in control momma when in reality....ARRGGG!!! Yep, you guessed it! That's me:) So here's the story of my week:

Last Friday we were thoroughly enjoying a beautiful evening with the kids, outside on quads with sleds behind, laughing and living when daddy's phone rang and he was called out to work. Hes called out to work often, but usually stays relatively close to home but this time it was to far away and no clue as to when his return wold be. My attitude sucked from the get go. I cried, which is my natural reaction to most every emotion, and I let my frustration go on the children almost all week. And I also informed Jake that when he wouldn't be coming home he should know that I would take it out on him and get mad even though I knew there wasn't anything he could do about it! Yep, I had preplanned my actions and chose not to change them. Wow... what a beautiful picture of a Godly, submissive wife...

I can't believe I'm actually posting this. Time for some accountability I guess. And yes, to be honest I picture myself quite independent (not totally) and somewhat relaxed (again not totally) but completely capable to care for my family alone as long as its not for too long. Boy was I mistaken! We were in this situation last year and it worked out pretty good, but I think the changing factor is our little goof girl who, although sweet in every way, is also quite high maintenance and for me to provide every need to her (which she is very deserving of) I need help!! Also, as time would have it, we decided to take out Ellie's extensions, do a wash and detangle, a banding of hair night, and a cute little do the next day! (oh, ill tell you all about my new terminology another time... quite proud of my knew found knowledge). This made my time with Ellie awesome, but Kalia was pushed to the side a bit, and it felt awful. I wasn't a complete wreck the entire time, but looking back on our week I definitely talked in some ways that I am not proud of and took my stress out on the kids when that was the last thing that they needed. They don't enjoy it either when daddy's gone and its hard for them too. So yes, I woke up this morning determined to start fresh, I prayed for daddy to come home, and wala - hes on his way:) Yep, 8 short days after he left! And last year we did this for a month at a time! Maybe I just got too spoiled with his working close to home this winter. Whatever the case, my prayer is that his work will keep him close to home from now on and that I can be the one at home that he needs me to be.
Oh, and I should quit picturing myself as someone I'm not so that when I'm me, I'm not disappointed, but strive to be better:))

And for some more exciting news, we had our first mile stone with our baby this week! She turned 2!!! And daddy missed it:( but, we didn't do much of a party, saving that for this coming week! Me and nee nee are making a care bear cake and the party will be on! Super excited for that:)

Yes indeed, things are looking up, the sun in shining and all is well! Thankful today for a God that loves me even in my most selfish moments, and cares about the little things!