Having Faith

I haven't written for a while. Partly due to a busy summer, and in part due to a season of my life. My heart does this; sometimes open, sometimes shut. I've come to the conclusion that it is a coping mechanism. And its interesting, if you find ways of coping interesting, that I have no control over it. Who would have thunk it. Anyway, just thought I'd try to explain myself, and my "no new post".

So in other news, today I thought I'd share a little bit of that half open heart of mine:)
This may sound like a strange thought to share, but have you ever thought that you love your children so much, you almost wish you hadn't had them? Remember, I said almost. I've been watching the news with my husband a lot lately and see the shit that goes on in this world and I wonder if I have the tools, knowledge, ability and strength to get them ready to live their lives! It scares me to no end!!! And then, I remember that even in our little safe "hamlet", we will encounter many hurdles.... eg. racism, ignorance, and just normal growing up hurts (emotional & physical & spiritual) oh man, I could go on & on. But to clarify, I would give my life for my children, just like I'm sure you all would, but when I think about this, I wonder if I'm cut out for it. My biggest fear is that something may happen one day where they will hurt, and I will break, and as some of my besties know, that doesn't fit into my bubble! (my bubble; I'll tell you all about it some other time ;))

And then I remember..... He went through this all! He went through it worse than anyone. He is my tool. He gives the knowledge. He is my strength. Even when I have to convince my heart that He will see our family through. And as comforting as that thought is... its still there. I guess that's where my faith isn't where it should be, or what makes me human, although I realize that is not an excuse.

Philippians 4:4-7
Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again, rejoice. Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Growing up, my parents had a poster in our bathroom. There was a picture of a Rabbit with a carrot in front of it. Underneath it said "Be anxious for nothing". Easier said than done. But when I read the rest I remember that I don't give everything over to Him. In fact, I do quite the opposite sometimes, somehow convincing myself and its up to me. So may the peace that only He can offer guard my heart as a momma, and guard my precious children as we journey through life. Until we reach our final destination. And thankfully even this verse tells us that it will transcend our understanding, so I guess trying to make sense of it all is a waste of time :) Faith! Have Faith!!!!

Goodnight everyone :)